Creative writing
Free on the inside: no experience necessary
Sitting upright on the metal folding chair, my colourful cotton blanket over my knees, my sock feet firmly planted on the hardwood floor, I simply close my weary eyes and listen to the instructor’s gentle voice.
Her voice crawls over certain sounds and lingers over others in a slow, soothing rhythm: “Now, put your attention on your in-breath. Be aware of the sensations in your nostrils. Is the air warm or slightly cool as it enters your nose? As you focus on your in-breath, melt away the room, the building, the city, the country, the world, and be here now.”
Before long, I’m in a relaxed state. I can feel my shoulders drop, my neck lengthen, and my lower body sink into the chair. The more I focus on the simple act of breathing and ignore my mind’s chatter, the deeper I settle. The instructor’s voice, though guiding me, starts to fade.
The back of my right hand is cradled in the palm of my left, and both thumbs touch at the tips. As a way to gauge how deeply relaxed I’ve become, every once in a while I check on my hands by lightly pressing my thumb tips together. When I meditate deeply, my hands often seem to disappear completely, or feel as if they are floating in the air or dancing wildly over and around my lap. Tonight is no different. My hands seem to be dancing freely to a silent rhythm the rest of my body has yet to learn.
But there is something different about my meditation practice tonight. There are 10 of us, many of us first-timers, in Prince George’s Chinook Yoga Centre. The softly-lit studio is roomy and inviting with shiny hardwood floors, brightly painted walls, and healthy-looking plants. About 15 chairs have been set up facmg the leader, Sarah Dowling.
Sarah, a children’s speech pathologist by day, has studied and practiced Buddhism for many years, as her brochure “Be Free…Inside” states. I was intrigued by the headlines “teaching for modern times,” “no experience necessary,” and “everyone welcome.” And I was curious about what might be happening “behind the scenes” in our northern city.
Earlier in the evening, when she greeted me at the door, Sarah ushered me into the studio with just the right amount of sincerity and warmth. Quick to smile and softly giggle, she welcomed the others and showed us where to sit. I felt instantly at ease in her presence.
Sarah Dowling is affiliated with the Tilopa Buddhist Centre and follows the New Kadampa Tradition, which sees Buddhist teachings as personal instructions. New Kadampas put these teachings into action in everyday activities, emphasizing the need for daily meditation, the need to be truly happy, and the need to cultivate a good heart to help others.
Sarah’s classes involve practical methods: a guided meditation, a brief teaching, and a discussion. Tonight’s focus is “Understanding Karma.”
The sub-topics explored under this somewhat daunting topic include: learning how to draw insights from daily situations, guiding actions toward lasting inner peace, and using experience to inspire others. Future four-week sessions include “Overcoming Anger,” “Living Meaningfully, Dying Joyfully,” and “Living From the Heart.”
Tonight’s session begins with a guided visualization and deep meditation. Sarah asks us to open our eyes, when we are ready, and listen to a few ideas about karma. She reads from a dog-eared text, pausing every few sentences to explain, expand, and concretize the key points.
She then asks us to form two groups to discuss some of the teachings. My group is keen, animated in our inquiries. Before long, Sarah asks both groups to bring forward any questions we have. The discussion ranges all over the place as people inquire about positive and negative karma, compassion for perpetrators and victims, past lives, right action, and cultivating heart seeds.
A couple of times the discussion becomes fairly heated, but Sarah reminds us that some of the teachings demand more than a few minutes of discussion and contemplation, that there are no easy answers, and asks us to be patient with the teachings, ourselves, and others.
She also reminds us that we can make a positive difference in the world, and in our own city, by our thoughts and actions. I respect her kind attitude, her open heart, and her ability to speak clearly and firmly. The session concludes with a brief, guided meditation, and then we are dismissed.
Deeply relaxed, and inspired to be more hopeful about humanity, I join the others as we dreamily rise to our feet, dutifully pack up the folding chairs, peacefully tie our shoes, and say goodbye to one another. Even though I still have many questions, I am comforted by the fact that I can address them the following week, or the week after that, because I am definitely coming back.
Walking out the door, I slip my hands in my pockets and I’m reminded of the silent rhythm they had danced to. Perhaps the rest of my body will eventually learn the dance and maybe, if only for a moment, I will experience what it might be like to be free…inside.
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