The Barometer
Stupid toaster
Slice the bread too thick one bright winter morning and pop it into the trusty toaster that has been there for you for a long time, and here is your response when the too-thick now-toasted bread stays stuck inside instead of popping up crisply: “Stupid toaster!”
Next exhibit:
Here’s a rock that has been living on and around this spot on this beach for quite some time—perhaps a thousand years. It is not all round like a river rock; it’s more rough-and-tumble. Its size means it doesn’t move for any old piddly tide or wave. It has a nice, solid balance there on its beach.
Then along comes you, one fine day, and you are all “Oh, I love all these beautiful fall colours!” and you go, “Just look at those leaves!” and you stub your toe on this rock.
“GAW-dang rock!”
Yee-ouch—yeah, okay. But swearing at a stone? Isn’t that a bit much? Calling upon a deity to unleash its worst upon a pebble?
Now, people, if this were an isolated incident, I wouldn’t even mention it, but this kind of thing happens all the time.
For example, there you are, an innocent patron, a customer nicely—NICELY—lined up, and the clerk appears to be having some technical difficulties. “Sorry, the computer’s slow. Been slow all day. Well, actually since about noon.” Then, the clerk says, with a nod to you, who have no part in this matter whatsoever, “I hate computers,” RIGHT IN FRONT OF IT, then gives you a wan smile.
So you are in a no-win situation: If you smile or nod, you are agreeing with the computer-hater, which will hardly help the computer to speed up, especially if it heard any of the verbiage detailed above.
If you don’t agree, then the computer KNOWS you’re afraid of it. Then where are you? You see how I mean you can’t win?
“This phone is crap!” I heard a young woman of my acquaintance shout loudly at her cell, and I thought: Does she think it cannot hear that? It is a tele-phone. HELLO!
In sum, it is foolish to insult or swear at your appliances, or at a rock, for various reasons: #1—They are just things and cannot hear you; #2—If they CAN hear you, they will be really, really mad.
I have an appliance I love, which is just as crazy as hating one. It is the furnace in my travel trailer. (There — I’ve said it.)
The poor old fridge in my trailer works perfectly day in and day out, but do I swoon? No, I do not. I expect it to keep things cool in the main part and eventually freeze things in the freezer part. That’s what any refrigerator should do, including the completely adequate one in my travel trailer.
There is no problem there.
The electric lights sometimes and mostly work, but I have low expectations for them. Maybe it’s a self-fulfilling prophesy! It may well be my basic distrust of battery power.
My Beautiful Propane Furnace, though…ooh, it’s nice! When it’s damp and windy outside, it’s warm inside. Fall camping is so sweet, if you have what I have. When it’s raining on the tenters, me and mine are dry inside. I love it! And it sounds like this: “Ah-oooh, oom, ooh, oom, ooh, oom…” Very soothing.
(Oh…please don’t mention this to my house furnace: it’ll get jealous or mad, and quit right when it’s getting cold!)
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