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Company's coming
Kennard, newly elected to office, says he’s not too keen to see Whanga turn into a tourist town. “We’ve got an ideal place here. We don’t want the population to increase. We want the flow of people to increase, but not too much.” – Murt Kennard, Whanga, New Zealand.
We have just a short while here, so let’s huddle. It’s going to get a lot busier in northern BC, what with the spring snowboarders barely gone before the early campers are here. So let’s take a few minutes to talk among ourselves.
All right, gather ’round. First, the weather: we are pleased with it, for the most part, although we understand others may believe it is always worse than where they are. But that’s okay—let them be pleasantly surprised when they arrive.
For example, if it’s raining sideways in Vancouver, they will be amazed when it is mild and warm up here. Be astounded and happy and say, for example, “How odd! It is unusually nice here today!” Otherwise they might want to move here, buy property and in so doing, possibly raise your property taxes, while not even bothering to show up to a Citizens Against Development meeting!
If they like the fact you can easily park, for free, right in front of the bookstore or cafe, and you as a local observe their glee, I suggest you laugh it off as pure dumb luck. You might say to them, “Oh, this never happens! You are most fortunate at this moment!” and otherwise discourage them from settling here, lest it get too crowded.
Prior to the many local Farmers Markets filling up with happy visitors, before the Boggers show up for the mud races at Moricetown, let’s get our story straight, shall we?
If there are line-ups for concessions, act resigned, as if you are accustomed to constant queues. If a visitor is standing near you, sigh heavily and say, “At least in summer the line-ups are shorter. In winter, we stand and shiver for hours!” That will surely have them on their way before becoming too fond of the place.
Before the birders flock to Valemount and Fraser Lake, before the Seafest enthusiasts line the streets of Prince Rupert, let’s see if we can spin a few tall tales for their amusement. “Soon you will see the bloodbath, the annual carnage when the eagles attack the swans, because they are natural enemies! The eagles are annoyed that the swans are eating all the halibut, so there are no fish left over for them.” There are the photos from Water Lily Bay where one eagle attacked one swan, so if someone could just Photoshop a halibut in the swan’s mouth, that would be ample proof. This should freak out bird-lovers while also deterring sport fishermen from visiting.
If tourists ask about where they might see some bears, you could warn them off. “You may have seen pictures where the bears eat just one part of the salmon and leave the rest. They eat just eat the brains, because they are Bear Zombies! The term Spirit Bear has nothing to do with a white coat, they are The Undead!” Then watch them scamper to the safety of a city far, far away.
Before the art lovers swell Wells, or the musicians swarm into Smithers, and the museum in Vanderhoof is open seven days a week, let’s get our strategy in place. Unless, of course, you disagree with Murt Kennard’s views on tourism—in which case, never mind. Go ahead and tell the truth—just don’t say I didn’t warn you!
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